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| Opus 119: Opus 
            119: NOUS R US 
            (July 15).  The New York 
            Times signed up 550 cartoonists on July 1. Sort 
            of. No, the nation's "newspaper of record" is not starting 
            a comics section, alas. But the New York Times Syndicate (NYTS) is now representing 
            Cartoon Arts International (CAI), Jerry Robinson's "consortium" 
            of cartoonery from 75 countries. (His Cartoonists 
            and Writers Syndicate is a subsidiary of CAI.) According to David 
            Astor in Editor & Publisher (June 30), NYTS is marketing 
            the CAI roster to clients foreign and domestic in four categories: 
            "Views of the World," a selection of daily cartoons from around the 
            world; "Business Views," a dozen cartoons a week on business and the 
            economy; "Comment and Caricature," topical illustration and 20 caricatures 
            of world notables every month; and four or five cartoons a week from 
            Kevin Kallaugher ("KAL") of the Baltimore 
            Sun. Robinson, founder of the 25-year-old CAI, is a past president 
            of both the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists and the 
            National Cartoonists Society, the only tooner 
            to serve in both positions; he launched into his career as assistant 
            to Bob Kane on the Batman comic book, for which he created the iconic 
            villain, the Joker.             In Tom Armstrong's Marvin, 
            the eponymous comic strip infant took his first step on July 7; and 
            on August 3, a Sunday, the li'l fella 
            gets a birthday party, his "first" (after twenty-one years in the 
            comics sections of the nation). Hereafter, Marvin will age one year 
            for every three he spends in syndication, a development prompted, 
            says Armstrong, by an online interview with the Washington Post. 
            A question-""What do you think Marvin would be like if he was an adult?"-intrigued 
            the cartoonist, who quickly realized that if Marvin aged, little-by-little, 
            he'd acquire more material for the hilarities of the strip. 
            Now that he's walking, for instance, Armstrong can get him into a 
            lot more trouble. Similarly, at every stage as he grows older, Marvin 
            will furnish fresh fodder to chew on.             I've wondered for some years if the 
            statue of Popeye erected in E.C. Segar's 
            hometown, Chester, Illinois, is still there. I'm happy to report that 
            it is: a color photograph of it appears in the June 20 issue of The 
            Week magazine (still the best fresh face on the newsstand, a weekly 
            digest of the news thoughtfully and, as nearly as I can tell, even-handedly 
            assembled). ... One of my favorite comic strips, The Norm, 
            is being translated into magazine format (called The Norm Magazine), 
            and the first issue is now out. This one reprints the 2002 Sunday 
            pages that trace "The 12 Steps to Marriage" that took place during 
            the "supposed" year between New Year's Eve 2001 and New Year's Day 
            2002, when Norm woke up in bed with his erstwhile paramour/friend, 
            Reine, who, it developed, was now his wife. One of the Great Moments in Comic Strip History, if you ask me. 
            ... Another of Rene Goscinny's creations, 
            an manic Vizier named Iznogoud 
            ("He's no good"), will be transformed into a live-action motion picture, 
            due out in early 2004. Goscinny's Asterix 
            was made into a live-action film last year, and his Lucky Luke 
            adventure with The Daltons is in production; an animated Asterix 
            is also in the works. ... And, speaking of flicks, here's Warner Brothers 
            signing John August ("Charlie's Angels") to do the screenplay for 
            a fresh version of ERB's Tarzan-not, 
            says August, "a sort of jungle hippie" of the past but "more ferocious 
            and wild, like Wolverine without the claws."              Disney's into more legal difficulties. 
            Probably serves 'em right: Disney has been 
            suing citizens for centuries over various infractions of copyright 
            laws, and now it's getting some of its own back, you might say. This 
            time, it's the Estate of Al Capp, 
            which claims exclusive rights to the notion of Sadie Hawkins Day 
            (on which day, the bachelors of Dogpatch are given a head start in a footrace and must marry 
            any of the unwed Dogpatch girls who catch 
            them). The Disney Channel's series "Lizzie McGuire" is supposed 
            to have a Sadie Hawkins Day dance in some future episode. Disney, 
            as might be expected, says Capp does not 
            have exclusive right to a concept like Sadie Hawkins Day. And I agree. 
            Moreover, given the number of colleges that routinely celebrated Sadie 
            Hawkins Day over the years-and probably without Capp's 
            express permission-my guess is that the Capp folks will have a hard time winning this one.             In a Seattle market a couple weekends 
            ago, a gaggle of local cartoonists participated in a 24-hour marathon 
            comic book creation, dubbed "Spawns of Insomnia." The idea, according 
            to the one who conceived it, John Lustig, 
            president of Cartoonists Northwest, a local cartoonists club, is for 
            a cartoonist to create an entire comic book in 24 hours in full view 
            of the public. "It's cartoonists in the wild," he said, "-in the primal 
            state of creation." The original 24-hour creation idea was Scott 
            McCloud's, as near as anyone can remember, who challenged Steve 
            Bissette to a competition several years 
            ago. Subsequently, McCloud and Erik Larsen (Savage Dragon) 
            also created a comic book in 24 hours. Among the cartoonists who participated 
            in the weekend frenzy were Donna Barr (Desert Peach), 
            Roberta Gregory (Naughty Bits), and Phil Foglio 
            (Girl Genius). The contest site closed at midnight with the 
            contestants locked in until it re-opened at 7 a.m. the next morning. 
            No word yet on who (or how many) finished the event.             Here's an ad in a recent CBG, 
            No. 1543, for an NBM graphic novel called Black Rust. The cover, 
            reproduced therein, shows, from the front, a woman who would be naked 
            except (1) her panties, which she appears to be lowering, have not 
            yet been entirely lowered, and (2) she has "x"-shaped bandaids 
            on her breasts, covering the nipples. This is an unusual occurrence 
            at the fastidious CBG, where nakedness is usually eschewed. 
            But now, thanks to this ad, we know at last that at CBG, total 
            nudity, perhaps nastiness in general, is determined almost entirely 
            by whether or not nipples are revealed, and as long as they aren't, 
            every other manifestation of nakedness is okay, I guess. ... I don't 
            mean to trivialize NBM's fall offerings, 
            which include, among other such stellar attractions as Black Rust 
            (a collection of fantasy art dubbed "gothic eroticism" from a new 
            artist, Chad Michael Ward), a new Rick Geary Victorian Murder, 
            The Beast of Chicago. Of these, more later 
            when they appear.              On June 20, Zits got zapped 
            in two newspapers because it almost used the word "sucks." In the 
            strip that day, Jeremy is mowing the lawn at the Duncan homestead, 
            and he doesn't much like the job. So to assuage his irritation, he 
            mows a phrase into the grass, and we see the first part of the phrase-"this 
            suc," which, the more imaginative among 
            us realize, is the beginning of an expression that "ks" 
            would finish off in the vernacular of the day. The Chicago Tribune 
            and the Los Angeles Times both squirmed in discomfort. "That's 
            not a word we're comfortable printing anywhere in the paper-even if 
            it is just the first three letters," said Sherry Stern, assistant 
            features editor of the LA Times. Shortly, King Features provided 
            a substitute in which the incompleted word 
            starts off "sti" with the expectation that Jeremy will subsequently add 
            "nks" and complete his thought for the day. 
            Jerry Scott, who writes the strip, said he wasn't crusading 
            to bring crude language into the newspaper, but he also pointed out 
            that the word "sucks" appears in numerous contexts in our culture 
            "and it's not considered profane in a lot of places." But, he finished, 
            he's in the business to make clients happy, not uncomfortable. Still, 
            he said, in the situation in which Jeremy finds himself, "any teenager 
            would probably have used that word. I hear parents using it. I hear 
            it on prime-time tv 
            and talk radio. You're binding the hands of a humorist when you can't 
            use popular slang in comics, which are supposed to mirror and reflect 
            society." I guess I agree with Scott. What's more, I'm not sure that 
            "sucks" was ever exclusively a nasty expression. It's not a very elegant 
            usage, to be sure; but I'm pretty sure that whatever indecency it 
            initially may have implied was quickly subsumed under broader, alternative 
            meanings. "Sucking air, big time," for instance, seems fairly harmless. 
            And the rest of the non-Los Angeles non-Chicago world apparently agrees: 
            Two weeks later, on July 5, one of the characters in Adam Miller's 
            Bachelor Party says, about something he doesn't like, "This 
            sucks!" Probably the strip doesn't run in either the Chicago Tribune 
            or the LA Times. It was Scott, by the way, who modified the 
            Zits artwork because his drawing partner, Jim Borgman, 
            is on vacation.             "Vacation" is perhaps to languorous 
            a term. Borgman got married in early June 
            to University of Cincinnati professor Suzanne Soled, which meant that 
            the couple's domestic circumstance has been enhanced by a few more 
            teenagers than either one was experiencing before. Five, all told. 
            According to the Cincinnati Enquirer website, Borgman 
            "is taking a little time off to sell one house, renovate another, 
            blend a large collection of dogs, cats and other assorted pets into 
            a happy menagerie and go on a traditional honeymoon. Then the whole 
            family is taking off for a two-week safari in South Africa." Best 
            wishes, Jim and Suzanne (and all the rest, too).             Brooke McEldowney's 
            9 Chickweed Lane was ten years old on July 12. This is a remarkable 
            comic strip. It is remarkable for its grasp of female psychology: 
            its principal characters are a single mother, her teenage daughter, 
            and her gritty grandmother. It is also remarkable for the visual inventivenss 
            that is often solely responsible for the day's humor. McEldowney 
            deploys solid blacks in endlessly satisfying (and humorous) ways, 
            and he manipulates our reading of his strip through imaginative narrative 
            breakdowns, again with comical effect. Chickweed Lane is likewise 
            remarkable that it appears in only 60 newspapers. It is a work of 
            cartooning genius and deserves much wider circulation. Alas, only 
            one reprint volume is available: Hallmarks of Felinity, a celebration 
            of the family's Siamese cat (and, of course, of all cats), from Andrews 
            McMeel (96 6x5-inch pages in hardback, $8.95; 
            published in 2002).              Jake Morrissey, managing editor of 
            comics at McEldowney's syndicate, United 
            Media, agrees that the strip is a remarkable achievement: "After ten 
            years," he said, "McEldowney continues to 
            surprise his readers. His unending curiosity in his characters' lives 
            makes the strip as lively and intelligent today as it was when it 
            debuted." McEldowney also produces another 
            daily cartoon, Pibgorn, on the web, 
            accessible via www.comics.com, 
            the United Media site. Pibgorn is a fairy who first appeared in one of the syndicate's 
            traditional Christmas season strips that run through the month of 
            December every year. Now she appears on the web in glorious, glowing 
            color.  SINBAD 
            IS BAD. 
            Well, not bad exactly, but a disappointment. It's still more fun to 
            watch Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., in 1947's "Sinbad the Sailor." More 
            swashbuckling, more energy, more color. (Yes, that's "Junior," not 
            his father, who also buckled swashes to a faretheewell; 
            Junior was the WWII hero, too.) Roger Ebert liked the DreamWorks effort, 
            calling it "another worthy entry in the recent renaissance of animation." 
            He liked the love story (with all its sensual overtones), "some genuinely 
            beautiful visual concepts," and what he called "high energy animation." 
            True, there were lots of sequences of swirling computer-induced color 
            swatches, but I found the combination of traditional hard-edged flat-colored 
            drawings and digital paintbrushed objects 
            jarring. At first, I thought another movie had somehow invaded the 
            "Sinbad" screen. It was all expertly done-flawlessly done, I'd say-technically 
            speaking. But apart from a few sword-fighting scenes and some sequences 
            with Sinbad and his paramour running or falling, most of the actual 
            "action" of this "high energy animation" flick took place on the faces 
            of the principal characters. Lots of action there. 
            In fact, if this much mugging occurred in a live-action movie, we'd 
            say it was lousy acting. Sinbad has nice eyes, though.             And the plot, such as it is, is unadulterated nonsense: why, with all her power, does 
            Eris physically steal the Book of Peace and frame Sinbad for 
            the theft? Probably because she wants to get him in her clutches for 
            sexual purposes, I'd say; but that part of the story is muted out 
            of existence. Maybe, being the goddess of chaos, she just wants to 
            make trouble. I suppose. But what does the Book of Peace do for us 
            again? And why does anyone want it? Apart from this pivotal plot point, 
            John Logan's story employs equal parts of the antique legend of Damon 
            and Pythias (which should be spelled Phintias), a classic tale of friendship and loyalty, and Spencer 
            Tracy and Katherine Hepburn in "Pat and Mike" or any of their other 
            feisty romantic comedies. Most 
            disappointing for an animated cartoon, there were no moments of high 
            comedy-particularly of the visual sort. The so-called comic relief 
            characters were pallid intimations of humor. The 
            slobbering dog? Funny? Not very. Weak 
            tea stuff. Nothing that made me throw 
            my head back in laughter or grin in joyful appreciation. No songs, 
            no dancing, no life. Disney's usual way of enlivening its animated 
            cartoons by striking up the band and belting out a chorus often falls 
            flat when the songs are tepid; but "Sinbad" could have used a song 
            or two.             A couple of moments were decent. When 
            Sinbad's ship takes off the edge of the world and suddenly converts 
            to a winged vessel, that was okay. And the 
            only real humor in the flick-when the "island" opens its eye and we 
            realize the land mass isn't land at all but a giant fish.             It's essentially a love story, and 
            it's told in a manner that would be perfectly at home in live-action 
            but seems strangely out-of-place here in an animated cartoon. As I've 
            said for years (deploying my customary retrograde brain processes), 
            animated cartoons ought to do something that can't be done in live-action 
            movies. Alas, these days, that's nearly impossible. Special effects 
            in movies, now that computer generated imagery has been perfected 
            enough to match the visuals of cinematography, can be employed to 
            do anything that used to be possible only in animation.              Most reviewers have raved about the 
            voices of Michelle Pfeiffer (Eris) and Catherine 
            Zeta-Jones (Marina, who falls in love with Sinbad). That's fine, I 
            suppose, but I went through the whole thing thinking Pfeiffer was 
            Marina. The voices just aren't that distinctive. Admittedly, being 
            hard of hearing and assisted by hearing aids leaves me somewhat disadvantaged 
            for commenting on this aspect of the production. But what's the big 
            deal? High priced voices, sure; but-and this may come as news to DreamWorks-when 
            I go to a movie with Zeta-Jones in it, I'm not going to listen to 
            her voice.              Finally, as Stephen Hunter wondered 
            in the Washington Post, "Whom is this movie aimed at?" Little kids? Not hardly-not with all that mushy love stuff. 
            (Sinbad and Marina actually kiss on screen! But they don't chew on 
            each other's mouths, so I suppose that's okay.) Teenagers? 
            Pretty tepid stuff for the hormonally infected: Sinbad and Marina 
            don't actually go to bed together. Aged folks like me? Not enough 
            laughs, kimo sabe. 
            It is, as Hunter's cohort Desson Howe said 
            a day or so later, "a respectable effort that doesn't care to do more 
            than course smoothly and effortlessly through familiar waters." No 
            big splash. And very little approaching the exuberance of Junior's "Sinbad the 
            Sailor." Nothing to bring that silvery laughter 
            of joyful appreciation to my lips. Maybe 
            not quite another "Planet Treasure Island" fiasco, but close. 
                         Makes me wonder what might have transpired 
            if they'd made Sinbad a mischievous little shrimp of a character (a 
            somewhat livelier Popeye, f'instance) instead 
            of a square-jawed Howard Keel sort of romantic leading man. Such a 
            character could have had a few hilarious moments of 
            his own on the screen, and, with the right dialogue and boudoir 
            demeanor, could have still engaged the heart of the sumptuous Marina. 
            Now that's something that would be possible only in an animated 
            flick! We'll never know, of course: Hollywood animation studios seem 
            bent on producing romantic comedies with Keel-jawed he-men in the 
            lead. COLLECTORS' CORNICHE. Last summer, Krause offered its compilation 
            of all we know about funnybooks that can 
            be crammed into a voluminous 1,240 8x11-inch page book. Assembled 
            by various of the staff of the Comics Buyer's Guide, the 
            volume, dubbed the Standard Catalog of Comic Books, is also 
            gigantic in its scope and ambition. This spring, we've begun to hear 
            rumblings about the second coming of this leviathan, and I hereby 
            applaud the advent. Although the tome is doubtless intended as a price 
            guide, mostly, it serves other purposes almost as well. (Okay: I admit 
            that price guides strike me as voodoo catechisms. Usually, they boast 
            a whole lot of scientific methodology to counter charges of price-fixing, 
            and in the boasting, they seem to be protesting altogether too much, 
            which, as any Shakespearean scholar  realizes, means they're actually confessing 
            to the charge. But the other uses to which all this data can be put 
            are undeniable and vastly appreciated.) As a scribbler about the history 
            and lore of comics and cartooning, I use the Overstreet Price Guide 
            as a reference not as an index of value. (I will probably never sell 
            any of my comic books anyhow, at least the old ones: I need 'em 
            to read 'em.) Hype about the Krause book 
            rehearses its contents: cover prices, writer and artist credits, value 
            (price guide), story titles, circulation figures, and cover dates. 
            But the first edition achieves only a portion of this content. It 
            seems to me, doing only a cursory thumb-through, that most of the 
            titles are there, but the data is somewhat shy of a full boat. By 
            the compilers' count, although 95 percent of the cover prices are 
            recorded, only 26-30 percent of the writer and artist credits are 
            given. That ain't bad by any means. Besides, 
            they're not done yet. All along, the publisher intended to produce 
            successive editions, each one adding to the store of information between 
            its covers. Most of the data in the first edition is concentrated 
            around Silver Age titles and thereafter, but the goals have been staked 
            out, and I'm looking forward to the next edition(s) not just to see 
            how close they'll come to reaching their objectives but for the pure 
            sake of the information the book affords.              In researching old comics, I have relied 
            on the Overstreet book for years. And it is rich in information, no 
            question or quibble. But it lacks one ingredient that the Krause book 
            now supplies for 83 percent of its listings-cover dates for each issue 
            of a title. And I recently had cause to be grateful for the Krause 
            data. I just finished proof-reading the text of and writing captions 
            for TwoMorrows' forthcoming book The 
            Life and Art of Murphy Anderson, and I resorted repeatedly to 
            Krause for the cover dates of books I only knew by title and issue 
            number. (The Murphy Anderson tome is an autobiography, by the way. 
            I interviewed him several times over many months, and we constructed 
            his autobiography by removing my questions from the transcripts of 
            our dialogue, leaving Murphy's answers-which, re-arranged in strict 
            chronological order, became, ipso facto, a first-person narrative, 
            an autobiography. Such is the alchemy of the art of the interview. 
            Murphy then read and edited the result, and, later, I visited him 
            in his sumptuous New Jersey studio to help select artwork for the 
            book. The volume is lavishly illustrated with work from every period 
            of his career, including a nifty 16-page color section with many of 
            his re-created covers. It was slated to come off the press in June 
            at the printer's-who, by the way, is Murphy C. Anderson III, Murphy's 
            son, who has just set up a huge printing plant with multi-color presses 
            and a bindery and the whole digital enchilada. For more information 
            about the book, visit www.twomorrows.com.)             Once the Krause project gets further 
            alone-in subsequent editions-its value will increase as the information 
            within increases. At the moment, in order to thoroughly research some 
            aspect of a cartoonist's work, you need both Overstreet and Krause. 
            Overstreet has more information about writer and artist credits, for 
            example. Comparing the two on a couple specific titles demonstrates 
            the difference. For Police Comics Nos. 1-20, Overstreet credits 
            Jack Cole for Plastic Man; oddly, Krause does not. Cole gets credit 
            starting with No. 21, but not before. Will Eisner, on the other hand, is credited from the first appearance 
            of the reprinted newspaper supplement, The Spirit, in No. 8. 
            For the Animal Comics listing, Krause gets the cover date half 
            right-December 1942 (but it's December 1942-January 
            1943); Overstreet still has it completely wrong: as of No. 32, the 
            most recent at hand here at Rancid Raves World Headquarters, it's 
            giving the years as 1941-42 although the December-January part is 
            correct. All this in the Krause volume will no doubt get better as 
            future editions roll off the presses. Avid users of funnybooks 
            are solicited in the first edition to help supply missing information. 
            And, slowly, that will happen. And perhaps such conveniences as a 
            alpha-tab of some sort will be added so we'll know when we're in the 
            K's or the M's and so on.             About the price guide stuff, I dunno. Actually, it's beyond me, tovarich. 
            Some of the titles have the CGC grade under 'em; 
            others do not. Then at the bottom of each page, we're given a "multiplier" 
            number to determine the price of a particular comic book of a particular 
            grade. The prices cited appear to be Near Mint (NM), but for Mint 
            (M), you are advised to multiply by 33 for 9.9 CGC-graded, or by 1.5 
            for "other grades" (whatever they may be). I did the math on a few 
            and compared the results to the Overstreet figures, but I'm sure I 
            was doing it wrong, now that I look at it again. When 
            Fantastic Four No. 1 is valued at $16,500 NM in Krause (or, 
            multiplied by 33 for 9.9M, $544,500) and in a comparable state at 
            $27,000 in Overstreet, 9.6 NM, I am lost. If the two price 
            guides don't come up with roughly comparable values for a given edition 
            and condition, where does that leave the bamboozled collector? Chasing 
            after phantom prices, as usual. As for me? 
            I'll be readin' mine. And waitin' 
            for the next edition of Krause for whatever trove of new information 
            it contains. REPRINT 
            REVIEWS. 
            At the Washington Post (which seems, now that I ponder it, 
            to lurk over every paragraph of this epistle), a recent readership 
            poll of the comics section resulted in the paper dumping Rugrats, 
            a relative newcomer to the funnies, and Hi and Lois, a perennial 
            favorite for generations. In their place, the Post installed 
            BoNannas, a brand new strip by John Kovaleski about a talking monkey (rendered in minimalist 
            style), and Get Fuzzy, Darby Conley's three- or four-year 
            old endeavor about a good-natured dog and a sadistic Siamese cat. 
            Conley's strip won the Reuben division award for best comic strip 
            of the year at the May 2003  
            meeting of the National Cartoonists Society. And Andrews 
            McMeel has brought out the first "treasury" reprint tome, 
            Groovitude (256 8.5x11-inch pages in paperback, $14,85), 
            which combines the contents of two previous volumes, A Dog Is Not 
            A Toy and Fuzzy Logic, but prints the Sundays in color. 
                         The book also includes a Preface by 
            Conley, in which he admits that he began by ripping off The Far 
            Side but "the prospect of recurring characters and story lines 
            forced me to do something different." The text is accompanied by several 
            pencil sketches in which Conley demonstrates the evolution of Satchel 
            the dog and Bucky the cat. The pencil sketches, 
            like most pencil sketches by cartoonists, are loose, free-and-easy 
            drawings, not nearly the fussy tight renderings that emerge when Conely inks his work. And Bucky 
            looks more cat-like, seems to me, in these preliminary versions than 
            he does in the strip these days. Conley picked a Siamese, he says, 
            because he likes "the white eyes popping out of the dark face" and 
            he thinks "the little paws that look like gloves are funny." I have 
            a Siamese cat, and I've tried to draw her, but the dark face has always 
            been problematical: the mouth disappears in blackness, which means 
            I lose the best way of revealing emotion. It works better if the face 
            is a soft dark gray (more like Siamese color, in other words), but 
            that's hard to achieve in stark black-and-white. Conely thinks his dog and cat are stereotypes of their species: 
            "Satchel being sweet and naive and Bucky 
            being selfish and temperamental." He confesses, too, that Rob, their 
            owner, was an afterthought. "He is the straight man-the vehicle that 
            gives Bucky and Satchel context. Bucky's 
            not nearly as funny, it turns out, unless he's annoying somebody."              Not so many years ago (in Opus 
            1 of this extravaganza May 1999), I tried to formulate the 
            defining characteristics of Bad Art. One of those characteristics 
            was clutter. If a cartoonist drew too many things into a single 
            composition without varying linear treatment in such a way as to accentuate 
            one object over others, then the picture is cluttered.  Juliet Doucet's Plotte books, for instance. She's a competent 
            artist, but she clutters her work with too much detail, all of equal 
            visual importance.             Another trait of Bad Art is tentativeness. 
            If the cartoonist is not confident of his or her ability, then the 
            linear quality lacks that confidence, and it is, perforce, tentative. 
            Or timid. Or, simply, lacking in 
            confidence. The comic strip Agnes sometimes presents 
            this aspect of Bad Art, although the squiggly linework 
            is deceptive. Rudy Park may be a better example.              A third indicator of Bad Art is an 
            absence of any sense of design. Bad Art of this kind lacks visual 
            balance or symmetry. So, for instance, a shoulder seems wider 
            on one side of the neck than on the other. Meg! or 
            Meatloaf at Midnight or Helen, Sweetheart of the Internet 
            -all strips, it seems to me, that lack a pleasing element of balance.             A final (for today) symptom is a lack 
            of demonstrable knowledge of anatomy. If a cartoonist (like, 
            say, Lynda Barry) draws human beings whose arms are single strands 
            of spaghetti, limp-looking things with no elbows or wrists, then it's 
            Bad Art.              That'll do for now. Other characteristics 
            will surely occur to me as time wobbles on. But let me hasten to add 
            that art that possesses one or more of the foregoing is not, ipso 
            facto, Bad Art. There are other ingredients, secret herbs and spices, 
            doubtless. Whatever they are (or it is), they transform mediocre art 
            into Bad Art, genuine achievements in ineptitude. (In fact, ineptitude 
            might be the over-all category that best describes Bad Art.) It's 
            like making soup. You can boil up all the ingredients of vegetable 
            soup and still, after tasting, realize that something is missing. 
            Ditto Bad Art. Sometimes you can find one 
            or more of these traits in a cartoon, but you still think that it's 
            not bad. In fact, it might be okay.              You'll notice that "simple drawing" 
            is not a characteristic of Bad Art. If it were, Pearls Before 
            Swine, which is rapidly rising in national popularity, would be 
            Bad Art. But it isn't. One reason is that the linework 
            in Pearls shows confidence. And there's no clutter. But there 
            is balance and symmetry and a demonstrable knowledge of anatomy (i.e., 
            elbows and knees). I would think Steve Pastis 
            would get bored to desperate tears drawing these simple geometric 
            pigs, rats, zebras, and goats day after day, but apparently he's challenged 
            enough that the task remains interesting to him. No accounting for 
            taste or appeal or what-sets-you-free, I guess.             A recent entry into the minimalist 
            line-up of comic strips is a Sunday-only feature called Tiny Sepuku. Andrews McMeel has recently 
            published a collection of this enterprise, Dear Tiny Sepuku: One Little Cartoon's Bold and Bewildering Love Advice 
            (144 8x8-inch paperback pages, $16.95), and with this tome in hand, 
            you can get the idea of the strip pretty quickly. But before you peer 
            at the example in this vicinity, you should understand that Tiny 
            Sepuku is, as its creator, Ken Cursoe 
            asserts, "an advice comic strip."  Cursoe, through the sordid and unhappy adventures of Tiny, gives "advice" to the lovelorn. Readers write in with questions, Cursoe letters the questions in the first panel of the strip, and then forces the hapless Tiny to deal with the problem. In one way or another.             A fellow writes in wanting to know 
            why his ex-girlfriend, who said she wanted to remain friends after 
            breaking up, makes no effort to maintain a friendship. The 
            rest of the strip shows Tiny in a conversation with his girlfriend, 
            who wants to break up but remain friends. Turns out, though, 
            that he won't be able to see her, phone her, or communicate via e-mail. 
            She won't be available for any of these contacts.             "So you don't really want a 'friend,'" 
            Tiny says, "you want a guilt-free breakup."             "All my breakups are guilt-free," she 
            says. "Just ask all my 'friends.'"             Tiny's "advice" 
            is almost always of this sort. Instead of advising anyone, Tiny exemplifies 
            the hopelessness of the problem. Or the bitter-sweetness 
            of any so-called solution. But he makes us smile-at the endlessly 
            frustrating nature of relationships in the human condition.             "The name of the strip," Cursoe explains, "is a butchered spelling of the Japanese 
            word seppuku, which roughly means 'sacrifice for the benefit 
            of others.'" One of Tiny's friends asks 
            him what the word means, and he elaborates on the definition:             "Like when a samurai gives up his life 
            for the honor of his clan, or when a mother tenaciously defends her 
            young from a pack of stronger predators, or when a person loses their 
            life while coming to the aid of a complete stranger."             "So what does 'Tiny' refer to?" Tiny's friend asks.             "Uh," he falters, "nothing. Never ask 
            that question again."             The strip began in about 1997 as a 
            parody of "Hello Kitty," an insipid Asian-inspired (probably) pokemon sort of thing starring a kitty without a mouth. Cursoe's parody was published in a small monthly periodical 
            which, in 1999, surrendered to the inevitable and went out of business. 
            Cursoe, he said, was perfectly willing to do the same himself 
            with respect to Tiny. But roommates and other persons bent 
            on damaging him for life persuaded him to persist by submitting the 
            strip to larger alternative weeklies. "All of a sudden," Cursoe 
            writes, "Tiny became a syndicated comic strip."             Then in May this year, Tiny 
            began appearing weekly on the Uclick website 
            of Universal Press, and the tome at hand appeared just in time to 
            herald the ethereal debut of Tiny.             Cursoe's 
            drawing so-called style is, as I intimated, minimalist. Tiny and his 
            friends have oval heads (Tiny's with a lump 
            at the bottom that suggests a lemon) and tiny bodies. At first, Tiny 
            had feet, but those disappeared. Ditto the extremities of his friends. 
            One of his friends appears to be a small Albert the Alligator, although 
            I can't be sure. That's the thing with minimalist art: you're never 
            quite sure.             The earliest strips appear to be drawn 
            with a brush: the lines wax fat and wane thin. Later, I suspect Cursoe discovered the felt-tip pen. In any event, the strip 
            is uncluttered, the lines display a certain confidence, balance and 
            symmetry, and if there are no elbows in view, at least there are no 
            spaghetti arms either. UNDER THE SPREADING PUNDITRY. It's pretty clear that the greatest 
            threats to the American way of life are those posed by well-meaning 
            but fanatical religious fundamentalists. Some of them are adherents 
            of Islam; others are born-again Christians in the right wing of the 
            Republican Party. Not all born-again Christians; just some of them, 
            mostly the fundamentalist sort. Rhetorical cuteness aside, I realize 
            that it violates an unwritten dictum of social decorum to speak ill 
            of anyone because of his or her religious belief. Yes, but-but we 
            indulge no such reservation when speaking of the Muslim fundamentalists. 
            We fear them because they are extreme in their fundamentalist conviction; 
            how about extremists of a more domestic variety?             Both Islam and Christian fundamental 
            groups are motivated by a sense of moral righteousness that makes 
            them impervious to contrary opinion. (One of the reasons for gridlock 
            in Congress is inherent in the philosophical impossibility of the 
            sort of compromise that makes politics work when one side of every 
            issue is seen by its adherents as a moral, and hence nonnegotiable, 
            position.) While Osama bin Laden is the 
            ostensible leader of one faction, John Ashcroft, being an actual American 
            citizen with all the rights and privileges thereto, might well be 
            the spearhead of the other group, a group which George WMD Bush and 
            the rest of the Bush League seem bent on appeasing in every way possible 
            (but mostly, in the ways that aren't readily apparent to the rest 
            of the body politic).              If Ashcroft is under the radar of public 
            awareness, Tom DeLay is deep down in a tunnel 
            somewhere. According to the New York Times as reported in The 
            Week, "DeLay's 'radical right-wing agenda" goes far beyond a tax 
            policy tilted toward the rich. A born-again Christian, he's proclaimed 
            that his goal in politics is to enshrine a 'biblical worldview' in 
            government policy. He's blamed school shootings on the erosion of 
            Christian values that comes from teaching kids about the theory of 
            evolution. He's likened the Environmental Protection Agency to 'the 
            Gestapo,' and wants industry-not big, bad government-to decide what 
            to release into the air and the water. It's considered intemperate 
            to say so, but the fact is that in Washington, it's no longer 'politics 
            as usual.' Tom DeLay and his radical clique 
            are hellbent on transforming America into a country most of us 
            wouldn't recognize."             When the Founding Fathers framed our 
            government with the Constitution and insisted upon a separation of 
            church and state, they probably did not have in mind the sort of religious 
            influence we see in the DeLays of Congress. 
            They were doubtless fairly sure that in a free society with competing 
            "factions" (political parties), the competition would prevent one 
            party or another from achieving the sort of majority that would make 
            compromise unnecessary. In short, they did not foresee what we now 
            have in so many crannies of the government.              Is it the end of the world? No. Ours 
            is still a healthy democracy (or republic, take your choice). But 
            it is likely to remain healthy only if we succeed in making a regime 
            change before too many more years.              Meanwhile, to view 
            the 'toonery landscape at this site, click 
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